GLBT- Straight - Relationships

[DreamingOfIslands]

I've.... Kind of had confusing experiences, I guess.

I can see that I'm in good company as an individual with Asperger's who generally doesn't like being touched. But I'm in a weird place about that now, and I don't like it. I've resisted touching (with very rare exceptions, like my mother and father. They're my parents, and they're in my comfort zone) pretty much my entire life. In high school, I knew this boy who was overly touchy, clingy, and I guess kind of flirty. He took a liking to me, despite me trying to discourage him, and we ended up kissing and hugging a lot for a few weeks. It actually grew comfortable to me, and I began to look forward to seeing and interacting with him. But things happened (I'd rather not elaborate- I still don't really know what happened between us, unless the answer is simply "He became disinterested in me") and we stopped speaking almost entirely. More than two years later, I find I still don't like being touched by most individuals, but I crave affection. It's even harder for me, since I'm /just/ crawling out from under the social rock I've lived under all my life. I'm just starting to get real friends, let alone real boyfriends. I feel behind, especially in an area where /many/ of my peers already have children and/or are married. I know I don't want either of those things now, but I guess I read them as signs of social success and I'm jealous. I feel straight- I'm female, comfortable as female, and I'm attracted to men. I've struggled with my social incompetence all my life, but it's really been getting to me over the past few years. I don't feel like I have a sex drive. I'm not interested in what's in men's pants, and I think that sex is only desirable as a sort of symbol to me (I think I mean, in my mind to have sex means to have an obvious relationship, which is desirable).

On the flipside, I seem to be really good at /not/ being attracted to men if it's important to me. Most of my close friends now are male, and I don't think of any of them as anything more than friends. This also feels strange to me. I don't feel attracted to men often. I can admire members of the opposite gender aesthetically, and objectively say "Oh yeah, he's cute" but real desire is rare for me. I guess I'm afraid I've gotten so good at telling myself "No" (because I was afraid of my social failings, and simply believed I couldn't have a relationship with a man if I wanted) that I don't know how to let myself try anymore. Also, I may just be talking about nothing, because it's only been a year since I've really actively been trying to be social (at college), and I'm stuck in my small hometown over the summer. I want more time to try. Not being at college is driving me crazy in so many ways. I need to be back, and I'm just counting the weeks until I'm in TN again.

I don't even know what to say about this. I guess I just wanted to spill my beans, and see if there were any like-minded individuals, sympathy or advice out there for me.

Also, to those who don't feel like they belong- I just want to recommend that you /try/. I don't think that just because you don't enjoy dresses and skirts and makeup that you're not really supposed to be a girl. I'm a jeans and barefaced kinda girl, and it suits me fine. I don't recall thinking a single serious thought about romantic relationships or sex until I met my former friend in high school. I think getting what I didn't know and didn't think I wanted made me realize that I actually /did/ want men and affection, if that makes any sense. I'm all for trying new things, testing your sexuality, whatever you need to do. I just want to remind you that it's okay to be "normal," too.

[Ravenari]

More than two years later, I find I still don't like being touched by most individuals, but I crave affection. ... I don't feel like I have a sex drive. I'm not interested in what's in men's pants, and I think that sex is only desirable as a sort of symbol to me (I think I mean, in my mind to have sex means to have an obvious relationship, which is desirable).

You might want to look into Gray A asexuality (http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Grey-A) - which is a form of asexuality that allows for people who feel attraction and affection and even want sex, but under very specific circumstances, times, or in certain contexts. Basically, for those of us who can feel attraction but don't have a consistent sex drive, or who don't want our significant relationships with others to be determined by penetrative sex. While it might not suit you exactly, of course, it's a good jumping board into exploring other forms of sexuality that suit you, without leading you to force yourself into definitions or ways of being that don't suit you.

Most of my close friends now are male, and I don't think of any of them as anything more than friends. This also feels strange to me. I don't feel attracted to men often. I can admire members of the opposite gender aesthetically, and objectively say "Oh yeah, he's cute" but real desire is rare for me.

That's perfectly normal. We've been conditioned by the media to believe that most people should be a high level of 'sex drive,' or have a high sex drive, and in the case of television shows - that people fall for other people all the time, over and over again! It's just simply not true. People have different types and levels of sex drive that span from 'not at all, not ever,' to 'all the time, forever.' And the same goes for attraction. I don't feel attraction to people often, and this is fine. Don't judge yourself negatively according to peer pressure, or what you see around you. There's a lot of different, normal, fine ways of expressing yourself sexually or expressing your desire, and yours are fine.

I don't think that just because you don't enjoy dresses and skirts and makeup that you're not really supposed to be a girl.

I think it's a bit more complex than that for people who are trans or genderqueer. I *do* enjoy skirts and make-up, and I'm cisgender female (i.e. I was born with a female sexed body, and I primarily identify as female), but I have times where I don't feel female at all, and where I'm more gender-neutral (or genderqueer). And this is also fine, imho.

You say it's okay to be 'normal,' I say it's okay to recognise that *everything* is normal, provided it's healthy and leads to a greater sense of harmony with the self. ;)

[TxCat]

I took everyone's suggestions, bit the bullet, and told my husband bluntly that I didn't like the way his advances and inappropriate gestures made him feel. I even explained about being unresponsive because of the (to my perception at least) gross condition in which the chemo leaves me.

He listened....and he changed his behaviors.

Dee, my boyfriend, put it into a different perspective for me: husband, and most men, like to 'fix' problems because that's their way of demonstrating they care for their families. Husband's way of 'fixing' this was to increase his advances, demonstrating to his logic that I was still desirable and not the gross, disgusting wreck I perceived myself.

I hadn't thought of it from his perspective and that made sense. I told him I appreciated it but it didn't quite work that way. He's since found other ways to express affection and concern that do not involve pinching my butt, honking my boobs, or making crude comments.

[AssassinsCreed]

I have no idea what kind of sexuality I have. But after reading a little on http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html#def1 it seems as I am asexual. I find no interest in others, women or men. Sure they can seem attractive to me but not in a sexual way. The idea of have intimite relationship with a men or women is a big "NO" for me. Im not interested in that kind of stuff. Kissing or even holding hands is a no-thing for me...


But...this can be because I am really antisocial of me. I have some friends yes but I am very picky when I choose one. I dont hang out with the first best person. Never did.

[Surveillance]

So, I was first introduced to different sexual orientations in high school in Sophomore year. It was then that I began to question my orientation. At first I thought was straight...but later decided that I was bisexual. But as I did a bit more digging into this, I found that I was Demisexual and Pansexual. Demisexual is when you have to have a strong emotional bond before being attracted to someone and Pansexual is when you don't see physical looks, but see the heart and personality.

I find that I am attracted to people, both male and female, by their looks. Maybe I'm just fantasizing, or like the way they look. But I also find that I am only sexually attracted to people when I have a strong emotional bond to them first. And I don't care what one identifies as or how they look, I care about their personality and their heart.

Is it possible to be both? Am I Bisexual - since I do find myself looking at males or females? I'm just confused..

[MothballMilkshake]

So, I was first introduced to different sexual orientations in high school in Sophomore year. It was then that I began to question my orientation. At first I thought was straight...but later decided that I was bisexual. But as I did a bit more digging into this, I found that I was Demisexual and Pansexual. Demisexual is when you have to have a strong emotional bond before being attracted to someone and Pansexual is when you don't see physical looks, but see the heart and personality.

I find that I am attracted to people, both male and female, by their looks. Maybe I'm just fantasizing, or like the way they look. But I also find that I am only sexually attracted to people when I have a strong emotional bond to them first. And I don't care what one identifies as or how they look, I care about their personality and their heart.

Is it possible to be both? Am I Bisexual - since I do find myself looking at males or females? I'm just confused..

A common misconception of bisexuality is 'they only like males and females', but it has come to mean 'attraction to 2 or MORE genders'. Pansexuality is inclusive of ALL genders. So if you aren't attracted to all genders, bisexuality still fits even if you are attracted to 3, 4, however many

[Surveillance]

So, I was first introduced to different sexual orientations in high school in Sophomore year. It was then that I began to question my orientation. At first I thought was straight...but later decided that I was bisexual. But as I did a bit more digging into this, I found that I was Demisexual and Pansexual. Demisexual is when you have to have a strong emotional bond before being attracted to someone and Pansexual is when you don't see physical looks, but see the heart and personality.

I find that I am attracted to people, both male and female, by their looks. Maybe I'm just fantasizing, or like the way they look. But I also find that I am only sexually attracted to people when I have a strong emotional bond to them first. And I don't care what one identifies as or how they look, I care about their personality and their heart.

Is it possible to be both? Am I Bisexual - since I do find myself looking at males or females? I'm just confused..

A common misconception of bisexuality is 'they only like males and females', but it has come to mean 'attraction to 2 or MORE genders'. Pansexuality is inclusive of ALL genders. So if you aren't attracted to all genders, bisexuality still fits even if you are attracted to 3, 4, however many

I honestly don't care what gender you are or what you identify as. If one's personality matches with mine and they have a good heart...and I form a strong emotional bond with that person and we become extremely close...I will start to develop feelings for that person.

[Silenxia]

I honestly don't care what gender you are or what you identify as. If one's personality matches with mine and they have a good heart...and I form a strong emotional bond with that person and we become extremely close...I will start to develop feelings for that person.

You have literally just said everything I was trying to say. I found myself in this position, but I don't know what to do, or if I can do anything about it. But there's a boy I known for a very long time, he was one of my first computer friends. We grown closer over the years and our bond used to be like brother-sister since I never had siblings.

But now...I started feeling...different concerning him. We are so much a like that it could be a good match, especially given that I haven't had much luck with dating or stuff, even if we broke up then we might still be friends.

...but there is one huge problem. We live in two different countries...I live in the US and he lives in Australia...fate can be so cruel and I'm a muddle mess when I talk to him, but oddly I grow to be very eager when he gets on.


Actually, I thought I was attracted to my best friend (she's from Norway)...I don't know if I actually was or not but I wondered about it.

[CrashBomb]

But now...I started feeling...different concerning him. We are so much a like that it could be a good match, especially given that I haven't had much luck with dating or stuff, even if we broke up then we might still be friends.

...but there is one huge problem. We live in two different countries...I live in the US and he lives in Australia...fate can be so cruel and I'm a muddle mess when I talk to him, but oddly I grow to be very eager when he gets on.

Well, if you do decide to try and spark a relationship with him despite the distance, make sure you talk to him literally every day. Long distance relationships... No, ALL relationships are built off of communication and a really really strong feeling of trust, with long distance even more so. Honesty is also key. If you have to be blunt, so be it; just make sure that you explain to your partner that you aren't trying to be rude, you're just giving them the facts.

Do that and you're a cool person m8

... And, of course, if he doesn't wanna be in a relationship, that's cool too! Make sure you respect that if it's a thing.

[SquishyHomo]

Hi! I noticed that nobody has really posted here for over two years now...is this topic still open? Like, obviously it is, since it hasn't been locked, but has anyone been keeping up with this thread? Or should it be closed? I'm not really sure.