TxCat wrote:Hoping someone can advise me:
How do you tell one of your partners, without hurting feelings, that you do not enjoy sexual innuendo at every opportunity?
My husband has gotten really bad about this. We're sitting at the dinner table, having a conversation about politics or what everyone did that day, and he'll reach over and grab my boobs. Or, like today, he'll come in from work, say hello, and then start grinding on the back of my wheelchair. He'll come in to say good night and instead of a romantic kiss I get his balls and penis thrust in my face while he makes a crude remark.
I have tried the direct route of telling him I don't appreciate it. His response: "Don't chastise me" and a hurt look.
I tried explaining to him that before any sexual conversations or actions take place, he needs to engage in regular conversation without making me feel like I'm nothing more than a sexual object. Same response or he agrees and then promptly forgets.
If I remind him of either of these conversations, I'm being a tease (how? by simply having female secondary sexual characteristics?).
On the rare occasions when I give in and do what he wants (sex is an ordeal because of all my physical disabilities and, needless to say, I don't get much out of it because the focus is on fulfilling his needs), he either can't stay interested long enough to finish or he backs off and leaves. He then puts on a hurt face about his inadequacy and I can't even begin to address the fact that I am no longer good enough to satisfy him.
Otherwise, he's a good and loving man. He doesn't do this all the time, I'm just tired of it. Suggestions?
If I were you, I wouldn't tolerate that crap. I'd really enforce the fact that I don't like it on him and I'd refuse to do anything he wanted. Of course, that could just be because I can be extremely stubborn and I don't let people walk all over me. But seriously, you need to stand up for yourself. He needs to learn that he can't just use you whenever he wants. He doesn't own you. Slavery is illegal now (lol). And if that's not the kind of person you really are, that's actually better. If you're not one to speak up very effectively for yourself, it'll make a greater impact because it'll make him go "wow. She's really being a b*tch this time. She must be serious.
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Hope something in this word pile helps you.
Now, onto another matter(s) of my own. I just recently started dressing according to how I feel (I'm an ftm transgender) and I actually am finally feeling good in my own skin for once in my life (some of my family knows and were actually kind of impartial to the idea. They didn't (and still don't...) know much, if anything about it though), which if you know me, is saying an AWFUL lot. Before I started acting on me being trans, I HATED myself and I didn't know why (until I figured myself out anyway). Everyone used to tell me all the time that I was pretty or beautiful or gorgeous or whatever and I never believed it because I simply never saw myself in that way. I never related to females at all and whenever someone called my name, I answered not because I felt that it was truly my name, but because it was just the name I was used to hearing and it became a reflex to answer to it. I actually always hated my name and didn't know why. I thought it just didn't fit me (which, I was right, but not in the way that I thought) and that I needed another female name to replace it. I always knew that I was going to change my name one day, but I didn't always know that I'd be changing it to a BOY'S name. Lol.
Got into a little back story there... Getting back to my point. So I started going out and (somewhat) socializing (the reason I say "somewhat" is because I don't like talking to people because I can pull off looking and acting and seeming like a normal boy... until I open my mouth. My voice is REALLY high pitched and it sounds so out of place coming out of a boy's mouth. DX), but I've noticed that when my mom or someone is with me, they still call me a girl. It's extremely humiliating (which they somehow don't get) because when a girl or someone is checking me out (which I notice happens a LOT ;D), the last thing I want is for them to know I'm really a girl (physically, anyway). That happened last night, actually. I went to the movies with my mom, cousin, and brother and when we were ordering our tickets, I watched this girl checking me out from the corner of my eye and my mom said very loudly "Do you girls want anything else?" and I saw the girl's face turn to horror. That was one of the most humiliating moments of my life (and I'm sure it was pretty high up there for her too). I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide!
I keep telling her not to do that and to stop calling me by my female name (I already have a male name picked out in preparation for the change), but she's like "you're not a boy yet" and I'm like "I've ALWAYS been a boy. This body has just been lying to you". The thing that bothers me also is that on the rare occasion that she actually calls me a boy (not in public, of course...), she has to treat it like it's some kind of joke. She's like "my girl... boy... thing..." and she laughs as if it's funny. She has never called me a boy without adding the excess to it and laughing. *sighs* She gets me so mad...
Btw, just so we're all clear, I like both males and females, both for different reasons, but I could probably treat them both the same if I tried it.
*is still 100% a virgin (...in pretty much every aspect of the word...)*
).
